Nothing More, Nothing Less

Something rumbling, something brewing, not wishing anything away, not lettin' it pass, hoping for it to blow wide open!!! Trust God, always, whoopee!!

Control Patterns (this could be you!)

Codependents:

believe most others are incapable of taking care of themselves,

attempt to convince others what they should think and feel,

become resentful when others refuse their offers of help,

freely offer advice and guidance without being asked (I smell a little of that in Blogville, just sayin'),

lavish gifts and favors on those they care about,

use sex to gain approval and acceptance,

have to be needed in order to have a relationship with others.

For many of us, codependence became worse as we grew up. Behaviors that may have served us well in childhood are now causing our lives to deteriorate. As our codependence gets worse, we lose our ability to acknowledge this pain and its harm.

What's good about today is (the first promise of CoDA) I know a new sense of belonging. The feeling of emptiness and loneliness will disappear.

And it has.

The Source

Whatever magical power we emanate from is within us, we swim in grace. Blessings are ours for the asking, abundance . . . well, it abounds. It's all big and it's all small, full of space.

Got to go make breakfast, waffles for me, eggs for the kid. Happy Day.

Hah! I'm Back

All right, so I tried to start my laptop again. This time I plugged it in. Now, don't look at me like that. It has a battery. Which apparently is as useful as a brick at this point. I had disconnected the lap top completely in an attempt to shut it off. As my computer fixer has stated, trouble in shutting off a computer usually means future trouble turning it on. And so it goes.

Compliance Patterns
Codependents:
compromise their values and integrity to avoid rejection and other people's anger,

are very sensitive to others' feelings and assume the same feelings,

are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long,

place a higher value on others' opinions and feelings, and are too afraid to express differing view points or feelings,

put aside personal interests and hobbies to do what others want,

accept sex as a substitute for love.

Cited from CoDA 'big book' p4.

I rate fairly high in these qualities, the loyalty piece hooked my interest when I first read these. Nowadays I feel better. Although I still have the illogical belief that I should have never changed partners/moved 'away'/changed jobs etc,etc. I can catch my mind touching on this as if I was running my tongue over a sore spot in my mouth, just checking to see if it still hurts in that area. What's good about today is that I can accept it as part of living in my skin, wish the past well and change the channel to something more current and positive.

PS One of the TV shows I watch is Religions and Ethics Weekly on PBS Sunday morning (check pbs.org for local listing) which is a great show that carries 4 or 5 stories each week. They profiled Father Leo this am, check out their site for more of that story.

Technical Difficulties

Library closing down, am jotting a quick line to you. Home computer is on the fritz so this is my route. Hmm, new title, Four Routes, that just doesn't sound right.

What's worse is I don't have time to read all your stuff.

Quick word on Labor Day that I heard on NPR. We have the labor effort to thank for two days off. That's right. Two days. The Weekend. Just think, people died for that. Sunday was easy, a day of worship. Saturday got added as there were so many Jews workin g in the factories.

Hah! Two days in a row off. see ya!

Low Self Esteem Patterns

Codependents:

have difficulty making decisions,

judge their thoughts, words and actions harshly, as never being good enough,

are embarrassed to receive recognition, praise or gifts,

are unable to ask others to meet their needs or wants,

value other people's approval of their thoughts, feelings and behaviors over self-approval.

Also taken from the CoDA big book, page 4.

This list is a pretty good match for me. More to come. That's what is good about today.

Denial Patterns

Codependents:

have difficulty identifying feelings,

minimize, alter or deny their feelings,

perceive themselves as being completely unselfish,
dedicated to the well-being of others.

From Co-Dependents Anonymous, the 'big book', page 4.

What's good about today is recovery.