Feeling Empowered

~I just learned something new on the computer.

~Had a fairly long, personal conversation with a friend's partner. Hasn't happened before in the 2 years we've known each other.

~Went to a yoga/art class this week and took it all in stride. Left with a grin instead of cha-grin. Hee, hee.

~Hugged a co-Alanoner who I've known for years but am now working on something together outside of the meeting world.

What's good about today is being thankful for my life and looking forward to tomorrow instead of fearing it.

Yes, I Mean No; Let Me Get Back to You

It's my last day off so will probably change to evening posts after today. It looks like the clouds might evaporate and let the sun shine on through. If I see it today I am going to take a blanket out and bask in it. Soak it up, nature's energy.

My thought for today is that our strengths are our weaknesses. I'm thinking in particular that a quality I share with addicts and maybe humankind is that I always want MORE. It's a part of my 4th step inventory and something that I am vigilant about. HOWEVER, in other aspects of my life I need to keep up my curiosity and say yes to abundance. Not be miserly in the bounty that the source of all bestows upon me.

What's good about today is that when all is said and done, it is my actions that count, not my hopes and worries. I can count on the eternal goodness of life to show me the way and to always take it a day at a time.

Explore Daily The Will of God

A quote from Carl Jung. I read it this morning in Artist's Way and am tuned into what will be coming out soon, a notebook of art and thoughts called the Red Notebook which was kept under lock and key for quite awhile after his death, for more background see yesterdays NY Times, probably the magazine section, I read it on-line.

Jung is one of those leaders who dared mentioned God. My masters is in counseling, BA in psychology and in the 1980's never the twain shall meet. Spirituality and Psychology/Psychiatry. So, I worshipped at the altar of higher education but I never found my answers there.

Which I think is idiotic. In my world, the basis of all is spirituality and if there is something amiss, then the answer for me has been to tweak my relationship with that which has no name, the source, the god/dess, the power that is greater than my understanding. Obviously, I am going to give the caveat that there are imbalances that need medical attention, yadda, yadda.

As I look back, like a Monday morning quarterback, I veered far off the track as I studied. My separation from God had everything to do with my long standing depressive feelings and obsession with suicide. But I couldn't find the path. I worshipped at churches and I worshipped at school and I worshipped at others and marvelled at their seeming appearance of fellowship and home in the world.

It has been a long road and I'm not finished yet. In an Alanon book there is a Wendell Berry quote about making your journey and feeling yourself to be at home in the end. It is enough that I feel myself happier than ever before. That puts me at a 6-7 on a scale of 1-10 (ten being the highest, wise guys!).

What's good about today is that although I do not feel myself to be at home, I am at a very good resting place. As if on a backpacking trek, I can sit by the brook, hang some clothes out on the branches to dry and face the sun to drink in it's greeting.

Sunday Gratitude

This morning my 'morning pages' free association ran to gratitude. It's been a full day but nothing can top an expression of honest gratitude so here goes.

My life is perfect, I live in a fairy tale. Really, I'm grateful to be unencumbered by relationship, debt, physical or mental infirmity. I am young enough to feel good, old enough to be thoughtful and able to see form and to feel presence. These are truly my golden years. I have a job that has challenges but does not crush me. A son that I love who surprises me. I live in a wonderful port of the country where I can explore beaches and mountains. Let me be intoxicated--so says Beaudelaire . . .

Charles-Pierre Baudelaire sez

You must always be intoxicated.
That sums it all up: it's the only question. In order not to feel the horrible burden of time which breaks your back and bends you down to the earth, you must be unremittingly intoxicated.

But on what? Wine, poetry, virtue as you please. But, never be sober.

What's good about today is gratitude and celebration in all it's forms.

Holy Hannah, She's Jammin' Again

Good God. I'm beginning to see why women of a certain age say that they used to make jam. It's because they are older and wiser and know better. Let's just say that I have some more advice on making jam, beyond my previous blog on the subject, must have been in June because it was strawberry season.

1) Cultivate non-dominant hand dexterity so that you can continue grabbing boards, utensils, rags while your dominant hand continues stirring, as instructed, continuously.

1.5) Make the jam same day as picking the berries. Don't hold them in the refrigerator a few days, pick through the moldy ones, swear that you will never do that again. And then do it again.

2) Practice yoga stretches prior to turning on stove so that one can make acrobatic moves and lunges while making above grabbing moves.

3) Beware of jam that spits at you. It casts tiny drops of pink goodness only nano-seconds before lobbing globs of it on your naked soft white hands.

3.5) Wear dark or berry colored clothing.

4) Do NOT scream, it scares the dog.

5)Do not be alarmed at smells such as sugar turning to carbon, keep stirring, it's too late, what the hell.

6) Don't worry if you think you contaminated the jar sterilization procedure, it's too late, what the hell.

7)Make your son happy by assuring him that all the jars are staying in the house. He doesn't know that, by now, you are worried about others eating your jam and DYING.

I Didn't Know That I Didn't Know

It's funny or tragic that once we wake up to ourselves, that we stand up in our own reality, we can recite the line (I didn't know that I didn't know) with impunity as if we are finished with it. Okay, okay, I need to own it and not project it on to my brilliant readers. So, on any given day, I will try to remember that I am always a child turning the pages of a book that will tell me new things, paint new vistas, that will, in fact, blow my mind. If, I have Beginners Mind, exalted in Buddhism and 12 Step Programs then I am always open minded. Beware of Hubris. I had a short vision type of dream last night. It was poop being flushed away. I flushed. More poop in the bowl. Flushed. Oops, more to get rid of. I think it was condensed hubris I was trying to get rid of!!

Here is something I found that I really like, poem from Robt Fulglum

There is really nothing you must be
And there is nothing you must do
There is really nothing you must have
And there is nothing you must know.
There is really nothing you must become.
However. It helps to understand that fire burns,
and when it rains, the earth gets wet . . .

What's good about today is the willingness to open our minds and hearts.

Source Unknown

No words from me tonight as I am spent. Here are some that I wrote down awhile back.

Praxis:Activity as opposed to Theory
The older I get, the less attention I pay to what people say or think or hope. I notice what they do, how they live, and what they work for.

Forgive the dangling participle.

God has already forgiven it. What's good about today is everything, whether I like it or not.