Oops

Recovery means living with the fact that you made a mistake, making an amend if necessary and forgiving yourself immediately. I get lots of practice.

What's good about today is treating myself like a cherished friend.

I'm Back Up!!

Didn't mean to miss a day but my USB thingie had been hanging on by a thread (knocked it off the bed which split off the plastic casing leaving it's naked little circuit board hanging on at a 90 degree angle) for months until it dropped off yesterday.

It was the non-perfect end to a non-perfect day for which I will take credit. Julia Cameron talks about being self-destructive in perfectly socially acceptable ways and I watched myself participate in that yesterday.

1) Over-worked, ignoring my fatigue, then

2) Full grocery shop list instead of just picking up milk, ignoring my good ideas, then

3) Evening get-ready-for-college workshop that my son would not attend, ignoring the inner voice that asked me why am I going if he isn't.

This is treating myself in a self-destructive manner. Yes, I got a lot accomplished but at a cost to my peace and sanity that was not worth it at all.

What's good about today is that I learned from yesterday. I did not accept unacceptable behavior from myself.

Joy

Heaven help me but I seem to be in an upswing . . .

~sleeping like a baby since I started that yoga/art class, it tires me out in a good way

~have not spoken an unkind to/about anyone since I read that to 'criticize someone else is actually giving oneself sloppy praise'

~in contrast to last weekend I have nothing planned for this one, I have a new camera to learn about, maybe I'll figure out how to upload a pic onto my blog, I live in a great area, can't wait to share it with you

~I volunteered to do a workshop at the NE CoDA convention in 6wks, topic is The Virtue Trap, Block to Creativity; initially I didn't want to add anything to my load but I would love to see what people have to say about it, I'll introduce the idea & share a little of my path, pass a basket with papers folded up w/words of wisdom/quotes/questions about the subject. People can have a few minutes to compare notes with their neighbors, then we'll let people share their thoughts with the big group and I'll have some closing words at the end. I'm pretty psyched about it. I think if I just focus on that and running registration I won't be too stressed.

~out of my 8 hour day, I spent it in 5 hours of meetings. I'm still in a good mood, feel fresh & think that I might get to my open AA mtg in the morning for the first time in 2 weeks. It's because I'm taking care of myself in new ways.

So, adios, good blogger buds, have a marvelous-so day and night. What's good about today is that I have no doubt that I am in the right place at the right time and that there is peace in my heart and in my home. Blessed Be.

Nothing, Nothing, Something

This morning I was feeling very silent as I struggled to come up with words to fill 3 morning pages. I considered since I'm on week 7 of Artist's Way and I am an adult that perhaps Julia Cameron could look the other way if I downgraded myself to 2 pages. Then I wrote the third page.

Came home exhausted from working, ravenous. Satiated myself with potato chips and sour cream, cleared off my coach, sipped decaf, fell into trance, revived and opened Natalie Goldberg's Long Quiet Highway, Waking Up in America.

Natalie writes all the time. Meditates a week at a time. Embraces the pain of sitting face to face with yourself with pen in hand. She's a tiger. For her, it's breaking through to a new place. Waking up to consciousness.

I can do three pages a day. Maybe three at night, too. Training for Nanowrimo in November. Half measures avail us nothing. Join me, won't you?

Crazy Good

Just claiming my seat. I'm thankful for all the good in the world. I'm thankful that even some of the stuff that doesn't seem so good also has a purpose, hidden from me at the time. I'm thankful that there is limited justice in the world. If I had to face a consequence each time that I erred, I would be too busy to do the good that I am able to do.

Most of all, I am thankful for the generosity and plenitude in the world. In Annie Dillard's words, "God is Crazy"!

Healing

Conventions are very healing. We had a committee meeting as our group is 'putting on' the New England CoDA Convention, November 13-15, you all are invited, see the NE CoDA website for info if you are in the area and register with yours truly, Carol, grateful member etc., etc.

My Alanon sponsor, God bless her. We had an important 5 years or so together when I started out in program. Her blessing was that she was strong in service and loved conventions. I went to my first when I was barely a year in program and I was hooked. Between NH and MA Alanon, Intl Alanon last year in Pittsburgh and CoDA, I've been to probably 10 conventions, each different/memorable in their own way. A couple have been nearby and I have gone that Saturday and maybe returned on Sunday morning, they were great. Most have been further away and I've stayed overnight, in that bubble of program, that healing bubble and they have been sublime.

That said, I have no expectations when I go to conventions except that I expect a nice time and validation of the value of program. What I usually find is a solution of issues within me that I did not know even existed. It is that healing of an experience.

Just today, I was asked to lead a workshop at the convention, any topic of my choice. I declined, stating that as registrar and recovering co-dependent, I did not want to take on more than I could handle. Tonight I was re-reading the past week's chapter in Artist's Way, reveling in the richness of CoDA issues, reflecting that a workshop in recovery of creativity would be well received, I realized that I am willing to do that thing. Yes, it's service and yes, it heals me.

What's good about today is that creator sourced creativity is not work in the usual sense of the word.

Today is Not Your Enemy

I think it is Eckhart Tolle who mentions that each day is our friend or our enemy depending on our perspective. I can turn the present into my enemy if I am seized with anxiety with what I think will happen or won't happen. I can miss the abundance offered to me if I am caught up with self imposed demands and heroic tasks to manage.

What's good about today is that though momentarily, my life may become unmanageable, I can greet each hour as my friend, to be appreciated as I am able.