Another Missed Meeting

Was supposed to lead tonight an hour away, would have left me a whole 10" after work to have supper with my mom and relax after another overfilled day at work. Called the other members to apologize but only reached voicemails. Maybe I'll leave home early enough tomorrow to drop in on the open AA morning meeting.

I need to play but I'm tired, I've settled into a plod, all things happen for a reason and there is no sense in beating myself up about it as in 'I should be doing better'. My problems are 'champagne problems', the imaginings of a tired brain. The lips are saying the words but the heart beats slow and heavy.

What's good about today is that I held my temper and my tongue.

Checking In

I am still influx . . . in a hurry . . .overscheduled . . . calm at times . . . 3 wks of birthdays=self, son, mother . . . loving often . . . failing more often . . . communion . . . meditation . . . and sometimes sleep . . . reading often . . . writing seldom . . . winter masquerading as spring.

Can I Picture Me

Episcopalian? Friends met me at the church and I am grateful for that support. For the first time in my life I accepted communion. Like most things that I enjoy, I want it to happen again and again, next Sunday is too far away.


I am straddling two lives, a growing awareness that I am moving away from what I have established. A good but disturbing feeling, I do not want to draw back into familiarity and stand on the dock anymore. My writing is barely coherent, my work life incrasingly difficult and so I can only hope to stay in the moment, which is not so bad and always the gift that I'm given. Free, no strings.

Thank You World

The tough parts about change are that first it feels painful and then it feels strange. I feel a little floaty today. I am not (gasp) following through on 30 in 30. I am doing what I need in a moment, hour to hour kind of manner. Tomorrow I will probably go to a church that I've never been to before. I am keeping my thoughts directed to God and that is enough to keep me entered. Spirit is with every respiration.

I went to my meeting this am and heard people complaining about people. I returned a call to my morning phone person and heard that she felt snubbed and then heard her apologizing for 'offending' me and I could not say much except that I respected her decisions and then heard her say that I was condescending and then I excused myself from the conversation. Wow.

Breathe in, breathe out. As simple and as satisfying as it gets.

The Big Answer

is small. Slow down. Breath, rest, observe and then one foot goes ahead of the other.

Today, I will not let my mind's obsession supplant a glimpse of my higher power.

God Box

Last night I put 'shame' away in the box and asked for that defect to be removed from me. So, I will do my part and not expound on THAT anymore. Re-reading some Kate Braestrup, a Maine author who wrote Here If You Need Me, a book about her work as a chaplain for the forestry service.

What's good about today is taking a day at a time.

A Too Much Monday

Well Day 2 and I've flubbed up, started stew for supper, helped my mother with something, answered friend's phone call and then caught my sister's call asking for update-missed mtg that started at 6pm, sigh . . . thought I would catch some of the 7pm meeting, sigh . . .

Tomorow is another day.