Thursday, April 26, 2012

An Almost Alchoholic

I went looking for a Recovery Bible and came up with a book from which I took the title of my blog. If you google it, you will come up with some conversation about it.  I found some identification with it.  I could say more but am not sure that anyone else has any energy around it.  It doesn't change much for me.  I don't have a neutral attitude about alcohol and I don't need a drink today, it would not be a good idea, one day at a time.

Today is first day without the old job and I'm surprised at how calm I feel.  Surreal.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

My Chit-Chats

Talked with a friend this morning who I met in program about four months ago.  She's not doing many meetings and she is sky high with spirituality and optimism.  The Shalom group is very important to her growth and she is alive with wonder and excitement.  I hope that she is right about all this.  She was thrilled hearing that I start a new job and I felt sky high from having talked to her.

Heard about a work friend on Monday who received severe injuries from a motorcycle accident over the weekend and was transferred to a Boston hospital.  The good news is that she has started fluttering her eyelashes.  I saw her late on Friday as I went home.  She was watching a patient being transported away in an ambulance after suffering a fall.  "I can't be everywhere", she said with tears in her eyes.  Of course, you can't, I replied, it's not your fault.  I know, she said.

I gave scant notice at my job and now my supervisor gets the gift of experiencing life in the trenches.  She tells my management team that she had been trying to take vaca this month and that her sister is having brain surgery but she will do her best.  And thanks me for my years of work for the company.  I, too, would have liked vacations and not to have returned to work after taking a supper break. She tells me, as I work hard to clear reports, that I am not eligible for re-hire and that it is a small world.

I think that it is a big world.  And that life is a series of hellos and goodbyes. 

Friday, April 20, 2012

Picking New Flowers

Here it is almost a month since my last post.  This recovery business can keep a person busy.  Next week I will celebrate 10 months of sobriety.  I have tried some new meetings recently and went on my first commitment.

Work has been a bear and it is opportunity to examine my motives and watch my reactions.  My pathology follows me everywhere.  I see fear and approval seeking, know judgement and turn to my higher power.  Even now, as I accept the windfall of a new job landing in my lap, I observe my anxiety in giving my goodbyes and watch my boundaries ebb and flow as I paddle the waters.

I hope for the best as I close out the last 5 years at the old place and contemplate the new adventure starting in May.  I know that if I don't stay close to meetings and even closer to my personal defects, I can turn the best things into a canvas that I paint with the same old palette of color.

So, I didn't think that I had anything to post today.  Then I checked out your blogs and found some new ones to add to my list that you might like to check out.  Those are my 'new flowers' by the way.

That's what's good about today.