Good Gravy

It's not my idea to be absent this long but am limping along with no computer whatsoever. Took old Betsy to my guru who pronounced an issue with the motherboard. God, I love that word.

Anyway the forces have denied me access to keyboard and 'net which has made me all the more determined to do the Wrimo writing. I am totally portable with my cave woman pen and paper. My word count based on estimated 230 words/page is now over 11,000 which thrills me.

Writing in that matter, fast and furious, outside of my comfort zone is teaching me about faith and surrender. My aim is 2000 per day in addition to my morning pages. It is also teaching me to dare to be foolish, to write and to write some more.

So, I miss you all, I'm going to browse blogs again and then sequester and do my homework. I am also very active, taking my writer (that's me) to foreign movies and plays and nice restaurants etc. She needs nourishment.

Love you all. What's good about today is that I can keep my source driven writing a priority. Thank you almighty creator for the abundance in my life.

A Little Twitchy

Thank you all for your comments. I'm going to type fast before reading your posts because a few days I didn't get to post before I lost my connection. So goes it on 'old Bessie'.

My emotions are a bit down and scattered. To an extent I can just watch them. Am still sticking to positive stuff, the ego is trying to lead me astray into old negative habits. Inevitably I indulge a little but don't go too far from the path. Feel the resistance. Pema would say to allow the discomfort. It is ego struggling. In my earthly world all goes pretty well, so I know that what is disagreeable is between my ears.

One of my old ways is to jump to fix it, swing the pendulum really wide. Today I looked up the nearby Buddhist temple to see what's happening. They still have sangha every Tuesday which used to be a meeting night for me. Now I have the opportunity. I would so like to be in a holy place with others, that used to be program. Lately I have started meditating and it has helped. I don't have to like everything about it, I know that I don't. But I need to be around peaceful people no matter what their creed.

What's good about today is that I can take my needs seriously but keep a light heart.

Follow Your Bliss, Follow Your Kiss, Take a Risk

Thank God for libraries. I've always been connected to them but now what a luxury to drop in and post a few words. Am on my way over to my art class. Yesterday I had a great day by changing it up some. Since I couldn't get on-line I walked to the local store to get a Sunday paper and learned that Chris Bojhalian was over at Rivier College speaking.

I have a special place in my heart for him because he often includes a gay character (once a trans-gender person) in his storyline and I find that so affirming, so positive. Anyway, the tail end of his talk and questions, he mentioned what he's currently reading so that's another reason that I'm here.

The best part of it all was having an idea and following it. For someone who has sat on her impulses for so long that they are lumpy and lifeless, it felt like a million bucks. And that's what's good about today.

Hmmm

I get so surprised sometimes. I was out with some friends last night and we must have gotten on the topic of new relationships. A friend was chiding me because that I made the statement that I would never enter a new one before I was out of an old relationship. She didn't think that I could possibly know that to be true, given the infinities of the future. I said I never have done life business that way and so I'm pretty sure that I can make that statement. She mentioned a mutual friend and went further to say that sometimes the messiness is part of the picture.

This morning I thought about it. I had told her that I wasn't judging anyone else just making the statement for myself. Thinking further on it, I realized how much I value being truthful and respectful of anyone I'm involved in, honoring the emotional let alone the formal contract that we might have.

Then I read today's post by my camera friend Daryl on her blog, on the m104, people are so surprising. Even when they are our friends or fellow bloggers. Humans all of us.

What's good about today is that I can notice differences without judgement. Just surprise.

Well, Look at Me

I'm here, really here. On the old computer that is doddering, occasionally fires up which makes it 100% more usable than the new one at this moment.

What jumps out at me is how I can lob snowballs at myself. For the past couple months I've been deep in my creative recovery, stripping off useless layers (I have two empty boxes next to me on the couch which will be filled with books that I am getting rid of today), getting more observative about the world and sharpening my senses.

My ego would like me to be back in my own rut. Or at least stop doing such hard stuff. Threatening stuff. So, it lobs stuff at me. Like yesterday it wanted me to focus on my son's defects, take his inventory and run with it. The kid is just a kid. His only sin was to be sitting around when I wanted to throw my weight around. Thank you God, I did not do that.

Although I am barely active in Alanon these days I give full thanks to it for my maturity. I grew up in those halls. And I learned about keeping my mouth shut until I'm really comfortable about is coming out of it. I went in when my son was nine and it has made me a patient, tolerant parent. Sometimes, I'm even a fun parent. And I'm a loving parent who can censor non-loving statements because she knows that she is tired. Fatigued with all the good stuff but fatigued, nonetheless.

So, I'm off to register at Nanowrimo. I love you all. Look at Letting Go to read the joys of blogging and look at Cat's new blog. We ARE STRONG WOMEN!!

What's good about today is all the places in our lives that we can find and give loving kindness.

Thanks for the Encouragement

Really, thank you. Especially when it comes to computers, I get so mad I could just spit. Sorry I don't have anything too inspiring to say, I'm coming to you today courtesy of my son's bedroom, on his set up, so I'm a little distracted.

The setbacks continue but I will not be vanquished, I continue on my program of writing daily sometimes several times, working out a few times a week, eating good/healthy food and nurturing my spiritual and creative self.

I'm a warrior in training, getting ready for Nanowrimo. Worst case scenario is I write off line. Which is still a good scenario. Went to Provincetown over the weekend and it was wonderful, brought home a little cast iron girl with wings on her back and a bird perched on her toe. Perfect for me to gaze at and remember what part I can take in this wonderful world.

What's good about today is a sense of renewal in an old world.

Levono is a No-No

Just a public service announcement from a Levono owner blogging from a public library. Instead of $$ coming back to me, I get a replacement. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight, I'm so excited at another lemon coming my way.