What wondrous love is this, O my soul, O my soul

When my higher power feeds me, he feeds all of me--the sinner and the saint alike. He loves the parts of me I hide from the world and deny.

I paraphrased the above from a religious daily reader dated March 31st that states how feeding others is an intimate act and remarks how Jesus fed the one who would betray him. And goes further to say that it is important to recognize the Judas in myself, as I too turn against those who love me and hurt them . . . and often my betrayal is disguised as an act of affection.

Ahh the implications for alcoholics, alanoners and co-dependents. The honesty in 12 step meetings of sharing our broken parts is powerful. Where else in life am I given a platform to talk about my struggles, where I have missed the mark, where I owe amends? It is a relief to put my burden down and not have to pretend to be 'great'. We join hands at the end of our meetings, join voices and encourage each other to have a great week until we meet again.

What's good about today is that every part of me is loved, the sinner and the saint alike. My biggest task is to accept myself as easily as my higher power does.

(Very) Random Thoughts

1) Check out the pillars of creation, today's astronomy picture. Maybe it's the name that turns me on. Does anyone besides me use the term 'turns me on', takes me back to the TV show Laugh In and Goldie Hawn dancing in body paint.

2) I'm sad about bloggers thinking about quitting but so haven't I been a slacker lately. All things run their course in their mysterious, mostly unpredictable way. I can't even guess why I've slowed down.

3) My mom will be going back to Ohio in a couple weeks, I feel differently about that each day, sometimes regretful, sometimes not, sometimes twisted up in between. I found a stove burner on low the other day for no particular reason, yikes!

4) I'm experiencing my first holy week and an inner part of me is very still and listening intently.

5) As always, I have to love the moment, one by one they are terrific. And that is what is good about today.

One Big Amusement Park

Just letting you know that I'm lurking around. Plans are in the works for Mom to go back to her stomping grounds close to my sister next month. The work situation is easing up into a level that is simply busy instead of being hideously busy.

The sleep deprivation has let up after 2 awful months. The down side is that I feel lethargic OR calm, what do I label it? I wanted change and now I have it.

What's good about today is that my higher power is always on duty, I can let go of the steering wheel. It make me think of the ride at Cedar Point where it seems like you're steering but you really can't go off the track that only heads in one direction . . . forward.

I Could Be

cranky but I'd rather be thankful that my cold is not too bad
that I had a lot to do today at work but accomplished what needed to be done
that my plumber came within a couple hours instead of a couple days
that the sparks my old sump pump threw were right into the lake called my basement
that the furnace sounds a little odd since it was submerged but it is working
that even though I have a lot to do tomorrow, it is called HAVING A JOB
that in the midst of a tiring, confusing day I managed without losing my emotional sobriety and that program gave me the instruction to continue forward in a Good Orderly Direction

And that's what's good about today.

Accepting Help

I'm with y'all in spirit! Too tired/busy/fried to post.

My sister was here for 5 days, announced that she could see that 'it wasn't working at all' to have my mom here. I didn't delve into that one as I have a great vulnerability to having my feelings hurt. So, she and brother in law are looking for some place suitable out by them.

I'm celebrating a weekend off of work with a cold.

Got myself worked up thinking that I possibly had shingles (one sided thoracic level back pain with the pricklies) but was cleared by my doc. Who made a pitch to me about going back on anti-depressants. Which I accepted. Tearfully. I can't sleep, even with Ambien. I'm like a Toyota with a stuck accelerator.

What's good about today is letting go, letting God.

Life in Six Words

Without Fellowship I Think I'm Alone

Reporting on the Patient

I feel a little better. Although I don't have a chemical compulsion, in the past I have gotten the most relief from a year and a half of attending the daily am open AA mtg. Coffee, hugs, people who know you, a nice steadiness to that meeting despite all that transpires under that roof. I've attended twice this week and I'm going to keep it up. I'm still on the phone list with the word Alanon in the space for sobriety date.

So, what's good about today is that I'm more comfortable than I was yesterday and I get to get up tomorrow and do it again, as the higher power allows.

Peace, y'all.