Hello, Hello

I'll chance posting even though I'm tired and thoughtless, I'm not believing my thoughts, that is to say. Work snafu busyness got in the way of arriving early enough for a meeting so that I could talk to my sponsor. Calmed down by knitting and hopes of conversation were dashed (excellent word) by her whispered words to me that she was leaving for a commitment in Maine with her home group.

My phone is amongst the missing since this morning when I was certain that I'd thrown it into my pocket. I might have put it on silent (Lord, I will never find it) in anticipation of walking around work with it. So, it is many hours later and I have my old dinosaur charging in hopes that I can call my phone which may be in silent mode.

Feeling a tad marooned, it drives me forward to prayer, ever impassioned to speak with a god about my delusion that I'm alone.

11th Step

Things are working out well. I did not feel spiritually fed by my ministry class and withdrew from it a few weeks back. That really opened me up to do other things which are much more nourishing, heart and soul stuff. The ministry class had some spiritual exercises which were worth while but it was fundamentally intellectual.

Now, I've been to an 11th step Meditation Meeting twice that I really like and I've been accepted into a Bible study group by some of the men in my morning group. I have time to volunteer for an interfaith homeless program in it's start up phase. My higher power and I are in better accord now that I can slow down to show up in spiritual places. I pray with hope & gratitude each new day to know God's will.

That's what's good about today.

Absalom Jones Remembered

I'm proud to be associated with a church that memorializes Mr. Jones, a slave in the 1700s who eventually became ordained in the Episcopal church. Not only do they speak in his memory but they renew their covenant of anti-racism.

As a body we also renew our commitment to work together for an end to all forms of oppression. Somewhere in the list of statements lies the one that asks . . .

Will you examine how you may be privileged by the existing power structures, recognize your own bias, and examine how your faith has supported that bias? I will, with God's help.

What does that have to do with recovery? How about getting honest, examining our motives and re-covering or dis-covering the person that we might (have) become.

A work in progress, that's all that's asked of us. A day at a time, that's what's good about today.

"I've Spent My Life on Nothing"

A quote from poetry in Louisey's post today in Letting Go. It resonates with me, at an early age the thought of being blessed with a life that I didn't know what to do with burdened me. It still does, my ego wants to make a mark. I struggle between 'knowing' I'm just a grain of sand in the cosmos desert and listening to theologians in and out of the program proselytize that what I do matters. Praying is all I can do as I do not trust my best thinking. Nothing needs to be 'decided' today.

Yes, No, Maybe

What a day. I was nirvana-ing along and ba-boom. Hit the wall. Made me cry, even hours later.

Ego drama? The voice of reason? Emotional riptide put into motion by pirhana strike in Amazon River?

A good day to end with a cup of green tea with lemon, Robyn Carr romance and a not so great grocery store peanut butter cookie.

What's good about today? Riding it out.

Whining or Shining

It's funny to me that I'm getting some conciliatory comments when I think I am talking about feeling good. Reminds me of an Alanon saying that goes, it's not what you say, it is what they hear.

It is a good and right thing to leave behind what no longer serves us. There are no mistakes in God's world and there are no changes that are 'bad'. I guess I haven't communicated the quieting of my anxiety as I no longer try to 'hang in' where I don't belong.

The book, Compassion, by Henri Nouwen and two other theologians is great and there is a chapter on displacement that says it all. It's a great read for group discussion which is how I discovered it.

And that, with great faith, is what is good about today.