Thursday, May 24, 2012

11 Months

Tomorrow I will pick up a chip. What I have been thinking about lately is that I'm becoming a member of some families.  There is a gathering on Memorial Day Sunday that I would just as soon miss but I have history with these folks and I think that I must go.  AA meetings do not feel like home to me yet but I go anyway, mostly because I care about what is happening even though I do not particularly feel like I belong.

I have a new work situation and watch my reactions to others, I spend more time with the three that I'm seated than with anyone else in my life.  My church counts me as a member whether I like it or not.  There are expectations and I suppose there must be gifts though it is not always clear to me.

The common denominator is me and my attitude with others who are in the same pocket.  Just as in my birth family, I feel different and judgemental.  But, a step at a time, I see that they are my family and I am bound to them.  As someone I know sometimes says, the frozen wall around my heart is beginning to soften.

That's what's good about today.


  1. Congrats on 11 months and your chip. Intentional communities can become family, But I've found it takes time. There are some meetings where I feel completely out of place, even after four or five years. Others welcome me from the first day.

  2. Carol...plumb forgot what I wrote earlier. But it WAS good--C'mon, laugh with me here. PLEASE!

    OH YEAH< HERE IT IS! I quote you out of context: "...frozen wall around my heart is beginning to soften."

    That's 'thaw' Carol. THAW!--grin!

    SOme 'chat' here. Ya know, whether it is church, AA, the Elks Club, or Neighborhood Watch, ( OPINION coming!) I am a member to the extent the I participate. IOW, a part OF...or APART FROM. Remember that?

    And--even though I have not excelled in this!)--it's time for me to leave others expectations where they belong--with the others. MY expectations are my concern. Guess the bar here is "reasonable, but not excessive."

    Hey Carol, this is sounding like a preaching session, when, in reality, I think you are doing GREAT. Each time I get over here to read, I learn.

    And of course, not having kept track, I do wonder from time to time how is your son(?), but more especially, how are YOU?

    We might pray for a 'zero tolerance' for anxiety. Let's DO that today, if you're willing...I am. We could ask God for less, or NO anxiety, so that we might better do His will, spread his Word of Love, Tolerance and PEACE!

  3. Good for you on the 11 months. I have to remember that fear keeps me from feeling as if I don't belong.