Change is Strange

Some of the things that I pray for are to have my anxiety and fear abate and that I not be ruled by my ego.  The weird thing is that as those forces rise up and swirl, I feel more confused than ever and do not know whether I am gravitating towards health or away from it.

An essential truth is that with attention to prayer and meditation, I move closer to God instead of further away.  If I feel disconnected and disoriented in my human activities, it is that change is underway and I need to surrender my will.

If I exercise my will in an effort to control my anxiety I feed into a cycle of escalating reactivity that has it's own centrifugal force.  Today, a day at a time, I can pay attention when I notice myself in a circular pattern of avoiding what is really bothering me.

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