Cunning and All Powerful

Within the last couple weeks my attitude about alcohol has changed from almost neutral to nearly obsessive.  In early December we celebrated Eucharist at someones home after a day of spiritual retreat.  We had hunks of bread and when the cup came around I took a swallow thinking it would be juice.  It was wine.

At the end of my drinking I was being triggered by that and since then I typically dip my wafer into the chalice rather than taking a swallow and that has been working fine.  Since my 'accident' last month I've been emboldened to resume taking swallows.

This morning I added wine to my shopping list. I will be making sauce and really like it as an ingredient.  I buy the little four pack at the grocery store, use half of one for the tomato sauce and pour the other half out.  I took my inventory about having the remaining mini bottles in the cupboard and decided it wasn't a temptation.

This afternoon I noticed chocolate wrappers that the dog had made a mess of  in my sons room.  I scooped them up and came eye to eye with a large bottle of vodka, a third full.  He will be 21 next month and has been gone a few days for work.

I feel the lions circling.

They will NOT get me.