Within the last couple weeks my attitude about alcohol has changed from almost neutral to nearly obsessive. In early December we celebrated Eucharist at someones home after a day of spiritual retreat. We had hunks of bread and when the cup came around I took a swallow thinking it would be juice. It was wine.
At the end of my drinking I was being triggered by that and since then I typically dip my wafer into the chalice rather than taking a swallow and that has been working fine. Since my 'accident' last month I've been emboldened to resume taking swallows.
This morning I added wine to my shopping list. I will be making sauce and really like it as an ingredient. I buy the little four pack at the grocery store, use half of one for the tomato sauce and pour the other half out. I took my inventory about having the remaining mini bottles in the cupboard and decided it wasn't a temptation.
This afternoon I noticed chocolate wrappers that the dog had made a mess of in my sons room. I scooped them up and came eye to eye with a large bottle of vodka, a third full. He will be 21 next month and has been gone a few days for work.
I feel the lions circling.
They will NOT get me.
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