Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Glory Be!

Transformative Weekend still having it's effects. Three days in a row of moving, personal conversations with patients at work. Still soft around the edges where there used to be bristling. What I realize is that if I really look into people's eyes and speak from spiritual place, just say the words that come to my mind, I make personal connection that I never have before.
And it's me speaking. Not platitudes.

And . . . interesting thing . . . for whatever reason, this morning at the meeting I had to come clean and say that I didn't think that I was going to drink because I'm getting a chip on Friday but that I'm thinking about it a lot. Drinking, not the chip.

Thinking things like 'it doesn't matter', past holiday/winter drinks floating through my brain. Last winter, I discovered adding brandy (or anything!) to eggnog to cut the sweetness. How adult of me. It was really good. It's not fair that I just discovered it last year and I have to give it up so soon.

So, I took the risk of opening up to the group. Some of them have seen me through the whole 4 years that I've been going there. The years that I identified myself as Carol, Alanon-CoDA.

I have one thing in common with the old timer. It's a day at a time. Today, I have no real interest or plan to imbibe any substance, it would not add anything good to my day. Beyond that, I can't commit to any pledges, it still an experiment to me. One worth continuing.

With that said, I have to leave you. It's time to slap some food together and take it to the St Lucy's Alkathon, I'll be a little late for the kick off but there will be a seat for me no matter what time I arrive.


  1. Carol, I can easily recall my first day of not drinking. But I wish to hell I could remember the first day I didn't even THINK of a drink!

    We used to call 'drinking thinking' by the term "Stinking Thinking" which could lead to drinking. For some--especially during holiday times. (Such as 'poor me' everyone else has a family, etc.)

    That is why I have NEVER in 37 years missed going to several meetings on Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and New Years' Eve (and Day). Not so much now for me, but for those who need a 'family'-type atmosphere.

    Carol, you are an inspiration how to deal with "thinking" talk about it at meetings, and you write about it here. AND... you allow God to be your partner in recovery.

    Since I am powerless, I simply cannot take even one of these 12 Steps by myself. I must have that power which only can come from God--maybe *through* other Peeps!


    (I just felt like 'talking'...A-GENNN!)

  2. Happy Thanksgiving, Carol...just wanted to drop in and said hi.

    Hope you get through the weekend alright....