Friday, November 25, 2011

The 'It Doesn't Matter' Club

I went to the alkathon on Wednesday night and heard several speakers who had relapsed and I heard them use the words 'it didn't matter'. It resonated because it has been in my thoughts this week.

What I had to do was talk about it out loud in the meeting.

There is no doubt in my mind that if it weren't for my meeting membership and involvement, I would have drank. Not because life is hard, yadda, yadda. Simply because I don't care that much, it doesn't matter. It's the club that I belonged to before I ever took a drink. If I had no group to look in the eye, I would have drank but, the thing is that I made a public pledge, I picked up a chip awhile back and each month, I have picked up another chip. I have to believe that it matters because if I put them to a vote, they would vote that it does. So, I suspend my own disbelief and follow the wisdom of the group. They carry me on the days or weeks that I don't care.

And I know one thing which is, whether I reach long term sobriety or not is not of interest to me. Today, just for today, a drink is not going to benefit me. Each day, that is the truth for me.

2 comments:

  1. I can feel the truth you dwell in!




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  2. OK Carol. This stood out:

    "So, I suspend my own disbelief and follow the wisdom of the group. They carry me on the days I don't care."

    I know you've been around long enough to have heard this...but someone might read, and be inspired--ya never know: This, that "GOD" is an acronym for "Group Of Drunks"...when I listen to a Group OF Drunks, it likely is God 'talking' to me somehow!

    Glad you made it over that hump. IT DOES MATTER, Carol--grin!!!!!!!

    PEACE!

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