I'm here, really here. On the old computer that is doddering, occasionally fires up which makes it 100% more usable than the new one at this moment.
What jumps out at me is how I can lob snowballs at myself. For the past couple months I've been deep in my creative recovery, stripping off useless layers (I have two empty boxes next to me on the couch which will be filled with books that I am getting rid of today), getting more observative about the world and sharpening my senses.
My ego would like me to be back in my own rut. Or at least stop doing such hard stuff. Threatening stuff. So, it lobs stuff at me. Like yesterday it wanted me to focus on my son's defects, take his inventory and run with it. The kid is just a kid. His only sin was to be sitting around when I wanted to throw my weight around. Thank you God, I did not do that.
Although I am barely active in Alanon these days I give full thanks to it for my maturity. I grew up in those halls. And I learned about keeping my mouth shut until I'm really comfortable about is coming out of it. I went in when my son was nine and it has made me a patient, tolerant parent. Sometimes, I'm even a fun parent. And I'm a loving parent who can censor non-loving statements because she knows that she is tired. Fatigued with all the good stuff but fatigued, nonetheless.
So, I'm off to register at Nanowrimo. I love you all. Look at Letting Go to read the joys of blogging and look at Cat's new blog. We ARE STRONG WOMEN!!
What's good about today is all the places in our lives that we can find and give loving kindness.
3 hours ago