Thank you all for your comments. I'm going to type fast before reading your posts because a few days I didn't get to post before I lost my connection. So goes it on 'old Bessie'.
My emotions are a bit down and scattered. To an extent I can just watch them. Am still sticking to positive stuff, the ego is trying to lead me astray into old negative habits. Inevitably I indulge a little but don't go too far from the path. Feel the resistance. Pema would say to allow the discomfort. It is ego struggling. In my earthly world all goes pretty well, so I know that what is disagreeable is between my ears.
One of my old ways is to jump to fix it, swing the pendulum really wide. Today I looked up the nearby Buddhist temple to see what's happening. They still have sangha every Tuesday which used to be a meeting night for me. Now I have the opportunity. I would so like to be in a holy place with others, that used to be program. Lately I have started meditating and it has helped. I don't have to like everything about it, I know that I don't. But I need to be around peaceful people no matter what their creed.
What's good about today is that I can take my needs seriously but keep a light heart.
The Gift of Desperation...
2 hours ago