Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Black Belt Story

(First, let me thank my commenter for his gracious words, I want to make my anti-depressant a moral issue and that is probably stupid, umm, unfair.)

Ten years ago when I came into Alanon it was because I needed to cope with an alcoholic girlfriend. Surprisingly, one of the gifts of 'the program' is that it made me a better parent. I've learned to pick my fights, saywhatyoumean/meanwhatyousaybut don'tsay it mean and reserve judgement. In all areas of my life it's good to remember to lighten up.

That said, I gotta tell you, my kid is driving me nuts. In the past year and a half he has slowly but surely amassed a total of at least 3 minor to moderate car accidents, one ticket, a GPA that continues to drift down, lost or quit 2-3 (does it count if you don't start?) jobs. On St Patty's Day he had an ETOH related ER visit (found out when Aetna sent me an EOB) and this past weekend his (my) car was impounded because when he was pulled over for his ticket, he happened to have an unopened beer with him.

He believes that, metaphorically (his word, not mine) he needs to slow down. I agree.

I believe that 'this' must stop. He agrees.

I say that if you don't speed, you don't get a ticket; if you stay away from other cars, most accidents don't happen; if you don't drink, you don't get drunk. I say it's the same reality for all of us. I believe he was silent.

I say if there are any more car or alcohol incidents I need to think about taking away the car because I don't want anyone hurt. More silence.

Here are the gifts of the program, I didn't say every threatening thing on my mind because I was annoyed and knew it. I can hope this is just dumb senioritis stuff and not indications of a a deeper problem. I can have confidence that as time goes on and there are more challenges, my higher power and I will figure it out. I know that if the time comes, I will detach with love because to deny the truth and enable addiction is to delay recovery.
And most importantly, I know that I can have a happy life whether my alcoholic is drinking or not. So, you see, I didn't lay him out with my black belt--just flexing it a little.


  1. I hope that it is just some goofy teenage stuff as well. I use my father as a measuring stick--he would have grounded my ass and taken away the car. He was a black belt in something for sure.

  2. One thing that seemed to help with my kids was to point out that the vast majority of car accidents involve the same people over and over. Changing just a little bit can solve a lifetime of problems.

  3. Carol, I love your story-telling, your sense of humor, and your honesty.

    I did not mention your gift of wisdom, because it is too profound to lump with those other attributes. But you do impart a certain sensible knowledge of things which--in my circles--usually comes from an Alanon commitment.

    Thank you for your stuff here.