Monday, May 3, 2010

I'm Not Sure . . .

if I'm starting to calm down or just legally stoned. You will notice that I seldom blog anymore, it doesn't feel like anything is happening or that I have anything to report. I had a good idea for a blog entry driving to work from the morning meeting and knew there was a good chance that I'd forget it by evening.

I'm lost in the fiction of Charlaine Harris, have read the first 5 Sookie books. It's damsel in distress stuff, rescued by handsome vampires or shape-shifters. Fun to think about parallel universes, I love that stuff. Sookie always gets smashed up at least twice in each book & then healed by the supernatural, I doubt that I could take the HBO version of the books (True Blood) as I don't watch women (or men) getting broken as entertainment but imagining it in my head is different. Kind of fuzzy around the edges.

Which brings me back to my first sentence. The anti-depressant is helping me sleep and I don't cry anymore. My brain is quieter, not always finding me things that I should do. Fewer shoulds is good. But I also lay around a lot. If my son was laying around, smoking pot, I would not approve. I can be legally lethargic and wander through my day unmotivated to do anything beyond sitting in the moment. Hey, that's not so bad.

My comfort is that whether on drugs or not, all is as it should be in God's world. My preference is to be less controlling and continue the drug experience, enjoy my ability to meditate and be satisfied with what each moment shows me, there is more to be revealed if I can be patient.
I guess it's not for me to decide what's good or bad, when it's time for something to change, it will unfold.

I had to use my Alanon black belt today but that is a story for another day.


  1. Oooooh, Carol...I wanna read the Alanon "Black belt" story.

    That being true, of course...more seriously, I wish for you to be able to live on a more or less even keel with or without drugs.

    When I have a blog post inspiration...I've GOT to write down at least some clues, or it is gone in 10 minutes.

    I am SO glad to know that you are still "with us" in blogorama, Carol!

    Funny Carol, at my age, ..."I can be legally lethargic and wander through my day unmotivated to do anything beyond sitting in the moment."...and nobody says a word to me about it!

    So we live and love, and allow all to do the same in their fashion...Nice to "see" you again!

  2. Carol, I feel that way too--like I am on an even keel and can go through the day without worrying about tomorrow or the next or the next....
    It is a welcome change for me.