Is it the low pressure zone? The recent high school graduation of my son? I'm not sure that I've been to one since my own 35 years ago. The detachment I felt from the hoopla was the same.
I remembered the speeches about making your own indelible mark upon the world, words from the same voices that for 4 years had never said anything more significant than 'remember this for the test, you're only cheating yourself, everyone leave by single file'. I don't say this to be obnoxious, I was a good student, I just couldn't relate to school as anything more than a requirement met in a big old brick building as lonely as it was empty.
My son's outlook is a little milder, he is more social than I was, the only disciplinary issues that I've ever heard about him is that he had been a bit CHATTY with his friends. He's a strong silent male around me so I'm glad that he's social in some context of his life. But I doubt if even he that is chatty was struck by the chord of the graduation speakers as they spoke of the legacy that the class of 2010 leaves behind. It's freakin' high school, for God's sakes.
I feel displaced. That era ended and I'm making it all about me, was I a good enough mother? Yes, since he did actually graduate, has not been arrested or accused of murder--those are my standards for 'good mother'. If you comment to state that you are the mother of a murderer and also a good mother, I will grant that you probably were, I'm easy like that. It was just him and me in that crowded gymnasium, the only ones related to each other, his dad begged off a couple days ago. I think I'm feeling lonely. His father would not have sat with me but at least there would have been two of us in that crowd that know the baby pictures and the nicknames.
What's good about today is that I know that this too shall pass, I can continue to do the foot work to live a happy life and happiness will catch up with me.
The Gift of Desperation...
2 hours ago