I posted yesterday but a satellite burped at the wrong time and wouldn't let me publish it or save it, hasn't happened to me in awhile. I'm fortunate to not have that happen with the regularity that it seems to hit some others. It reminds me that like many an alcoholic I am not grateful for the simple ease of my life in many respects.
A few months ago I was pontificating that I should sell my house, get a nice easy apartment, yahda, yahda. A little part of me would tell myself, 'you're just fried because your mom is here, you're desperate, my son will be out of school, it's your nature to be easily unhinged, don't talk about it because you'll come back to Earth'. And I was right about that, now I consider myself lucky to be where I am.
And I'm chastened. The neighbors who lost their son put a for sale sign up on their house. They lament moving but feel that they will lose it soon and are feeling the pull to be closer to family. So, I'm brought up short. What for me are musings and daydreams that I mock-torture myself with are the solid realities that others come up against.
A message that I need reminding came up in today's meeting, Let Go & Let God. Don't worry about making plans and what I think I need to perfect my life. And just as quickly I forget it. Now, only 3 hours later, I am beating myself up over what I need to get done. Caught myself thinking that I can't be both a mellow person and a task master at the same time.
Which brings me closer to God? What's good about today is that I know the answer, I might not like it but I know that I need to be as kind to myself as I am to others and that I can remember that each moment is to be lived as a gift, not as a problem to be solved.
3 hours ago