Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Control Patterns (this could be you!)


believe most others are incapable of taking care of themselves,

attempt to convince others what they should think and feel,

become resentful when others refuse their offers of help,

freely offer advice and guidance without being asked (I smell a little of that in Blogville, just sayin'),

lavish gifts and favors on those they care about,

use sex to gain approval and acceptance,

have to be needed in order to have a relationship with others.

For many of us, codependence became worse as we grew up. Behaviors that may have served us well in childhood are now causing our lives to deteriorate. As our codependence gets worse, we lose our ability to acknowledge this pain and its harm.

What's good about today is (the first promise of CoDA) I know a new sense of belonging. The feeling of emptiness and loneliness will disappear.

And it has.


  1. "I was alone and lonely..."

    Well, Carol, that's no longer true, for me, and for you. But for me, it could happen again in a heartbeat.

    (Heart beat...)

    Poor me...poor me! Woe is me!

  2. Hey Steve, it's true for me as well, if I get too far from the core of program, it can happen again in a heartbeat. I think of it as depression lurking around the corner. If I stay in good shape, program wise, I can disarm it.

  3. Hm. Interesting. Personally, I don't feel a need to control anyone else either as a boss or a mother. I have enough trouble just controlling myself!

  4. Hi Carol,

    Great post, you have a great point of view. I can totally relate to you on codependence. I'm Hua, the director of Wellsphere's HealthBlogger Network, a network of over 2,600 of the best health writers on the web (including doctors, nurses, healthy living professionals, and expert patients). I think your blog would be a great addition to the Network, and I'd like to invite you to learn more about it and apply to join at http://www.wellsphere.com/health-blogger. Once approved by our Chief Medical Officer, your posts will be republished on Wellsphere where they will be available to over 5 million monthly visitors who come to the site looking for health information and support. There’s no cost and no extra work for you! The HealthBlogger page (http://www.wellsphere.com/health-blogger) provides details about participation, but if you have any questions please feel free to email me at hua@wellsphere.com.


  5. I recognize my co-dependent behavior and find that there is some of it still in me. It helps me to recognize the signs though.

  6. I think there was a picture of someone I know next to that description of someone who likes control.