Saturday, January 16, 2010

Suddenly Saturday

Thank you for your supportive comments on the last post. As a recovering co-dependent I felt very guilty about voicing negative views in the course of giving my opinion. My internal critic works overtime to beat every would-be critic to the punch. I have a background, and I have heard that you do too, that does not expect a loving response when I voice my opinion. Thank you for being part of my healing process, the universe provides what we need when we need it.

The lacking a loving response when I am brave enough to be me is now personified with my mother being with me (I have been writing a lot of lousy sentences like that since Nano, I choose to believe that it part of my growth process, I am writing like a caterpillar at the moment, gotta wait for the butterfly part). She has been acting out this past week, starting with last weekend blasting me for doing other work on the house instead of 'finishing' her room first, cresting with the tantrum a couple days ago about installing the life line alert system and culminating last night with admitting to taking 'an axe' to said system and cutting her telephone cord.

The lapse in social inhibition is partially explained by dementia but there is her true self there as well. The worse she is, the more validated I feel that this is someone that I left at age 17 and have felt no real affection for since. I slept with a chair against my door last night, I trust nothing when people start throwing words around like axe.

What's good about today is that I can take care of myself, talk to others and feel my higher power's love.


  1. I feel it is so important to be able to say what you feel in your own voice, especialy after having been invalidated in earlier years. When I first dared say anything critical I thought the sky would fall.

    Mary LA

  2. Get a deadbolt installed in your door. It's stronger than a chair. And please keep writing your opinions. I get blasted in blogs all the time for mine. I don't expect the world to agree with me.

  3. I hope that you will take care of yourself. And don't worry about the opinions expressed here. It is your blog.