Saturday, April 11, 2009

So, I'm a blogger now! One who lost her first post! Will I quit? NO (well, not yet, anyway.)

Yes, I lost my lovely first posting. It was well thought out, it flowed, it was just enough, not too much. GONE. With this insult to my well being I will segue into how I came to be in 12 step programs. It DOES remind me of the few weeks before program came into my life. Thought I knew what I was all about, thought I had it down, it was all about me, me and me. The all powerful me knew how it should go. My self concept was all about being the 'helper', the organizer, the manager, the one who had the birds eye view on it.

Can you guess that my first program was Alanon?

I immersed myself in that program for the last 7-8 years. On the fringe, I would go to open AA meetings and always get something out of them. Then wouldn't go to another one for 6 months or so. My fervor for Alanon lessened as the years went on without another addict in my life. I'm a step girl, knew that I wouldn't go through life without program as a route to my higher power.

An acquaintance that I saw a couple times a year always mentioned CoDA as saving her life. I'm telling you that she always came out with that somewhere in her conversation. Come to find out that she had also started program life in Alanon. Anyway, after a year or so (quick to jump into action is not me) I went to a couple meetings. Then I went to a convention a couple months later. It sold me, it rocked me.

A month later we were headed into the holiday season, always a tough time for me and I don't really know why. Same friend told me that when she started CoDA, her sponsor told her to go to 30 mtgs in 30 days. Any 12 step meeting would do. I was desperate to get through the holidays in reasonably good shape so I decided to give it a whirl.

Crucial to my decision was the discovery of an open AA mtg close by that met 6 days a week at 7am. It was a godsend (interesting word) in several ways. First of all, it was one of the snowiest Decembers within recent memory and it always snowed on Thursday nights which messed me up getting to my CoDA mtg. More importantly, the theme was always 'what's good about today' which kept it upbeat and full of gratitude. So, 30 days turned into another 30 days and then 100 and so you get the idea. I pushed the meetings pretty hard for about a year and it helped me tremendously. It stripped a lot away and it changed me little by slowly. And for this I am grateful.

What's good about today is change and growth, may my mind and heart always be open to both.

1 comment:

  1. Carol, I'm glad that you started this blog. I also went to a lot of open AA meetings when I started in Al-Anon. I still occasionally go to open speaker meetings. I'm a step person too. I think and feel the program of recovery through the steps. Glad that you are here.