Lately I've been changing perception, playing with left brain/right brain stuff, looking at the space rather than the physical things. I cannot intensley focus on both at the same time. Part of me is into it, part of me is resisting change.
Self will run riot is not just doing too much. It can also be fighting change, holding on, turning off, resisting. As long as the flicker of energy/being has been alive in me, it has been accompanied by resistance just as deeply rooted.
When I took away my mental escape, my brain got furious, no place to turn away from the civil war. I had prayed my self back into feeling better last week, after a day of that I told God that it was okay, that I could take some more, that I recognized that the pain was a gift and that I needed it in order to have something to work with. And he/she/them/it gave it back to me.
8 hours ago