Sunday, May 24, 2009

Necessity Instead of Pain

When I was playing a lot of tennis a few years ago I used tennis examples to illuminate program principles. It brought home lessons of the program to me in a way that I could relate to and remember. Today I found a cooking analogy.

It's Sunday of a holiday weekend and I have been invited to a potluck cook out. There's plenty of items in my cupboard, not so much in my frig. I had started cooking black beans yesterday thinking that I would make a side salad today but now it looks too puny to make a self respecting contribution. So, I took a fresh look at things this morning and decided to throw together a rice salad that is a crowd pleaser and has volume and uses up my leftovers.

It crossed my mind that 'necessity is the mother of invention' and how many inventive/tasty concoctions have resulted from having less available than one had thought. Which lead me to remember the difference between needs and wants. Much of my created pain has come from moaning (fixating!) about wants. Reality on Reality's Terms.

Part of that pain over scarcity/needing things relates to comparing myself to others. I can angst away over how my house/wardrobe/body/personality/dog/son needs improving. But the truth is that what needs to get changed gets changed and the other stuff nibbles me to death around the edges. One of the ways that I peck at myself is by giving my authority away to 'what others think' because I have co-opted that (which doesn't really exist, the THEY people) as my own self-judgement. If I take the bla bla bla out of the blame, I am left with me.

Seems simple. Stay in the moment. Let necessity, not my fears, guide me. Get to meetings and hit my knees :)

Happy Sunday.


  1. I am going to remember that. "What needs to get changed gets changed and the other stuff nibbles me to death..." What a great quote! Hope you are having a wonderful weekend.

  2. Fear and pain can be useful tools. I find them to be signals letting me know something is wrong. It doesn't hurt to pay attention to them. I don't necessarily have to make a snap decision or immediately react to the fear or pain, but ignoring them might do me more harm than good too.

  3. I may have commented earlier, if so...Double-Dipper here says: I sure like those words in ending lines, like "hit my knees", "Get to meetings", "Stay in the moment" etc.

    I used to (still do) explain the part in Step 12 "Practice these principles..." using my violin analogy. I've got to 'practice' EVERY day, in order to be ready when the agents call and say, "Need you tonight, etc."

    If I do not prectice correctly the mechanics of violin playing, I'll shortly lose it. Same with step 12, if I do not practice it daily, and correctly, I'll just lose it--and eventually be back out drinking...or not drinking, but miserable.

  4. Thanks for sharing, Reminding me of my necessities. My necessties and NOT my fears. Thank you so much. Hug across the pond.

  5. Steve, Thanks so much for the violin example, that's something that I will remember AND I will remember who gave it to me!

  6. Good words Carol. Thanks for sharing about fears. For me, they used to be necessities. I have worked to rid myself of them.