Monday, May 18, 2009

Staying in the Present

I am still loving Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard. Here is a nice passage on page 80, please stick with me for two paragraphs, she writes prose like poetry . . .

"This is it, I think, this is it, right now, the present, this empty gas station, here, this western wind, this tang of coffee on the tongue, and I am patting the puppy. I am opaque, so much black asphalt. But at the same second, the second I know I've lost it, I also realize that the puppy is still squirming on his back under my hand. Nothing has changed for him. He draws his legs down to stretch the skin taut so he feels every fingertip;s stroke along his furred and arching side, his flank, his flung-back throat.
I sip my coffee. I look at the mountain, which is still doing its tricks, as you look at a still-beautiful face belonging to a person who was once your lover in another country years ago: with fond nostalgia and recognition, but no real feeling save a secret astonishment that you are now strangers. Thanks. For the memories. It is ironic that the one thing that all religions recognize as separating us from our creator-our very self-consciousness-is also the one thing that divides us from our fellow creatures. It was a bitter birthday present from evolution, cutting us off at both ends."

Me again.
1) I love that she says as soon as she 'verbalizes' she has lost the feeling of being in the moment.
2)Being separate from our creator and being separate from our fellow creatures is a hellish feeling which had been my life before Alanon. No wonder that I feel saved by 12 step programs that tell me to embrace both my higher power and other humans. To reach beyond my fear of exposure.

I had a impish moment. My sister is very proper, concerned with appearances. I referred her to a blog about caring for an aging mother and to a web site for a documentary about it. I mentioned that she might like to start her own blog! She has NOT replied to that e-mail.

Exposing her feelings and experiences would be extremely foreign. It's about having and doing for her. Maybe she will surprise me, I shouldn't write her off. I couldn't interest my other sister in a cancer support group while she was still alive, she could not remotely conceive that it would be helpful.

What's good about today is that I can feel differently about things and hold my views, likes and dislikes as valid. I can be equal to others and trust what I know to be true for me.


  1. I am not a reader, just do not make the time for it...BUT...Annie Dillard's stuff I could make time for. Maybe on the upcoming trip to AKAnnie's place in Illinois! (We live in Naples, FL)!

    Alanon Syd is one great example for that program (you are Alanon?) wife Prayer-Girl ia Alanon and AA.

    BTW, YOU write well also, and interestingly, and not too long (like me, I write Blongs --"long blogs").

    Toldja ah'd be Bach! Just feeling a little wacky tonight, nothing serious -grin!

    Thanks again for my intro to Annie Dillard!
    I'll be Bach (that's the punch line of a musical joke.)

  2. At least you have given your sister something to think about. What she decides to do with it is up to her, but maybe you showed her some options that she didn't know were there before and you can be happy in knowing that.

  3. That's great stuff....I'm still here..just crazy busy with graduation stuff (my son), packing and unpacking the dorm (my daughter), meetings, 4th step and life in general. But its all good. Thanks for checking in.