I am still loving Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard. Here is a nice passage on page 80, please stick with me for two paragraphs, she writes prose like poetry . . .
"This is it, I think, this is it, right now, the present, this empty gas station, here, this western wind, this tang of coffee on the tongue, and I am patting the puppy. I am opaque, so much black asphalt. But at the same second, the second I know I've lost it, I also realize that the puppy is still squirming on his back under my hand. Nothing has changed for him. He draws his legs down to stretch the skin taut so he feels every fingertip;s stroke along his furred and arching side, his flank, his flung-back throat.
I sip my coffee. I look at the mountain, which is still doing its tricks, as you look at a still-beautiful face belonging to a person who was once your lover in another country years ago: with fond nostalgia and recognition, but no real feeling save a secret astonishment that you are now strangers. Thanks. For the memories. It is ironic that the one thing that all religions recognize as separating us from our creator-our very self-consciousness-is also the one thing that divides us from our fellow creatures. It was a bitter birthday present from evolution, cutting us off at both ends."
1) I love that she says as soon as she 'verbalizes' she has lost the feeling of being in the moment.
2)Being separate from our creator and being separate from our fellow creatures is a hellish feeling which had been my life before Alanon. No wonder that I feel saved by 12 step programs that tell me to embrace both my higher power and other humans. To reach beyond my fear of exposure.
I had a impish moment. My sister is very proper, concerned with appearances. I referred her to a blog about caring for an aging mother and to a web site for a documentary about it. I mentioned that she might like to start her own blog! She has NOT replied to that e-mail.
Exposing her feelings and experiences would be extremely foreign. It's about having and doing for her. Maybe she will surprise me, I shouldn't write her off. I couldn't interest my other sister in a cancer support group while she was still alive, she could not remotely conceive that it would be helpful.
What's good about today is that I can feel differently about things and hold my views, likes and dislikes as valid. I can be equal to others and trust what I know to be true for me.
8 hours ago