Nothing Much

Serendipity. I chose the title because not much was on my brain and I was thinking whether I had anything to say today. What came to my mind was the page in the Beatty daily reader from this morning. She was making the point that we can be grateful for so little (gratitude is good, gratitude is good!) that we become want-less and need-less and martyr-like. The lesson in recovery from co-dependency is to be able to treat oneself well.

There was an emotional pay off in my family to being need-less and want-less and I'd never even seen those terms anywhere other than in CoDA literature. But I identified immediately. I can't really figure out the pay off. It was totally unspoken. But absolutely there. A tacit agreement between family members to not speak that language. My sisters and I were all out of the house by age 18.

So, when I am on my knees, I ask for God to help me realize how to make me happy. Left to my own devices I can deny myself anything and totally rationalize it, slip back into believing that I need . . .

nothing much