An attitude of kindness is where I start. I have to watch my boundaries because, as I learned in Alanon, the definition of help can be control with a smile. I applaud Kathie Lynn's struggle with boundaries in figuring the extent of help that she should offer a drinking drinker.
Lois called Alanon a program of love. That love and kindness does not take inventories, hold grudges from yesterday or worry judge others. It is present and and empathic.
A quote from This Is Al-Anon goes like this . . . "'Live and let live' sets us free from the compulsion to criticize, judge, condemn, and retaliate. . . (which) can damage us far more than those against whom we use such weapons. Al-Anon helps us to learn tolerance rooted in love."
What's good about today is that I'm in a 'selfish' program. Most of the time I know the difference between taking care of myself in a healthy way and trying to take care of others vs. minding MYOB!
The Walking Iris
19 hours ago
Yeah, it is such a great healthy selfish program. I still struggle with boundaries. Have the feeling that nearly for all situation I have to learn anew how to act and react. Trying to establish healthy boundaries makes me learn something new about myself everyday. These boundaries give me so much freedom. Eveyone know where they stand with me, even more important I know where i stand with myself. Hugs across the pond. xx
ReplyDeleteSometimes another will explain to me that the "selfish" in our program thinking, means keeping myself at all times prepared, healthy, and ready, to help another unselfishly, knowing that if the one being helped does not stay sober...that I (selfishly?) DID.
ReplyDeleteAnd then, I find another still-suffering alkie. It could be someone with 35 years' sobriety who is still suffering , or a first-day walk-in. There are plenty around.
Nice to chat with you...I'll be Bach (Punchline to a musical joke!)
And hugs back to both of you!
ReplyDeleteThe selfish program was the best thing that I have done for myself!!! great post Carol!
ReplyDeleteThanks Carol. It is a program where I keep the focus on me. That has helped me a great deal.
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