Thanks for all your comments.
Tuesday Night has been my Alanon home mtg for the last 3 years or so. The only sponsor I've had attends the mtg as do about a dozen others, sometimes we have twenty or so attendees including a couple newcomers. There is an Alateen mtg next door. Both mtgs started 5 years ago.
Although I had gone to other mtgs in the same town, I put off trying this one due to this reason. I had been working in this building when I met 'my alcoholic' and was subsequently (understandably) fired over an ethical boundary issue. No one could believe it. I had never had a bad review in my life but I was in love, threw caution to the wind, let the chips fall, etc etc. I didn't care. I would have left the country to be with my alcoholic, I would have given anything. We both believed that a higher power put us together. I still believe that. It was how I was brought closer to my God. It was the only way he/she/it/them could get my attention.
Those were exhilarating although fearful days. But fast forward a few years and with great trepidation I crossed the threshold to go to a mtg in that bldg. I occasionally catch a glimpse of my old boss working late. Sometimes I stop in to chat with my old best friend. The Alanon meeting convenes in a board room where I used to attend a different kind of mtg. It's just a set of four walls to me now.
But that actually wasn't my point.
My point is that I like to talk myself into belittling my 'old' meetings. I don't live with active alcoholism, haven't for 5 or 6 years. The thought of being in a meeting because I'm bothered by someone else's behavior aggravates my recovering co-dependent's heart. It hasn't been my scene for quite awhile. I plot my escape plan, strategizing through my last months of attendance and ratchet down my service obligations. But . . . last night I settled in and had a pretty good meeting.
What's good about today is that it is not about the meeting, it is about me and my expectations.
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